Unf.
Well hi there, it seems like I'm gonna start blogging again. It's funny how I'm always deleting blogs then creating new ones. It probably just shows how much I hate some of my past and how I used to be. But life is in fact full of regrets and mistakes. It's just harder for me to accept them I guess.
Oh & I hate how long and ranty my posts are. It doesn't bother me when I'm typing it all down furiously though cuz well, I'm ranting. I rant a lot. I'm an extremely angsty person. I don't know how else I could let out my emotions in a safe and harmless manner. (Yes someone could get hurt, I'm dangerous.)
Definitely not gonna stop posting long and ranty posts though. Plus the stuff I blog about are basically stuff that concerns me only & stuff practically no one else would give a fuck about. I like it that way though. I personally think that blogging is all about penning down your thoughts, emotions or stuff that happened in a day. It's not about writing stuff you don't love but are interesting so that people would read it. Oh look at me I'm ranting already.
I love blogging a lot. I feel like I'm in my own little world, free to say whatever I want. I don't privatize my blog though so people would be able to access it but none/few would bother to stay and read on cuz well, it's too ranty and boring. I don't know why I don't privatize it either, maybe its because I don't feel like I have the need to hide anything.
I don't know if any of the stuff I'm saying right now make any sense cuz its close to 1.26am and I'm pretty brain-dead. Woke up pretty early today as I was suppose to be getting my iPhone 5 but it ran out of stock.
Anyway since its school break, I kinda wanna turn my clock around and be a night owl. I prefer night time to day time, it feels calmer to me. Like again, I feel like I'm in my own little world. I'd paint and stuff during the night, that'll be awesome.
Aside from that, I really need money. There's so much stuff I need to buy.
-Marilyn Manson tee
-BOTDF's Anthem Of The Outcast EP (Preorder)
-Frankenstein & The Bride necklace
[those three above from Hot Topic]
-BVB's Wretched & Divine album
-Black skinnies
-More albums
Well those are my priority list I guess, cuz I have way more stuff I need to get. & I'm pretty much broke. I was also planning to get a choker from either Hot Topic or Etsy but I wouldn't even think about it right now because I'm fucking broke. & I saw the cutest skirt ever at Forever 21 today. It was a black pleated mini-skirt with leather buckles. Wow this is depressing.
So yeah this is why I need a job.
& plans for school break? I really don't know.
-Paint/Sketch
-Read
-Listen to music
-Hunt down albums
-Listen to more music
-Rot
-Exercise
Oh talking about exercise, I'm gonna go on a diet again. I fucking hate myself. I've never felt happy about myself, not even once. I constantly remind myself how ugly and fat I am. I look like a slag. Well obviously what people say affected me the most like especially from the past. People should stop being so mean, I'm serious. Not to me but to others. Cuz I'm already scarred for life, hurling more insults at me wouldn't make a difference. But stop being so insensitive. You may think its a joke and it's funny but it isn't. It stays with that person forever.
Anyway, I'll be pretty much by myself during the school break. I like it this way though. I don't like people, I don't like the world. I like shutting myself off from the rest of the world and just listening to my music.
"The day that music can't save me is the day that I die."
I shall just leave it as that.
goodnight.
